The Hollars Is An Excruciatingly Bad Parody Of Conventional American Indie Movies That...Wait, This Isn't A Parody???

When something tries to be personal in a very un-personal (for lack of a better word) way, the resulting experience is the very definition of "awkward". Trying to watch a person or a story or even just some manufactured item try to be something it's very plainly not is extremely uncomfortable to witness. That emotion basically sums up watching The Hollars, a movie that tries to tell a small-scale story of a dysfunctional family coming back together during a time of crisis very much wants to pluck at your heartstrings and make you laugh with the various quirks of the numerous family members, but it's trying to tell this potentially personal story in the most bland and generic way. None of it has any depth or real insight to it, it very much is the awkward experience of watching a movie try to be something it's not.

Rogue One Blasts Off With Massive Debut While Collateral Beauty Crashes And La La Land Sings And Dances In More Theaters

The Force was still strong with the Star Wars franchise as it leaped beyond traditional Saga movies (i.e. Episodes I, II, III, etc.) for the first time with Rogue One, which grossed a massive $155 million, the second biggest December opening weekend of all-time and the third biggest opening weekend of 2016 (only behind the bows of two superhero movies, Batman v. Superman: Dawn Of Justice and Captain America: Civil War). While down about 37% from the opening weekend of The Force Awakens last year, this debut is 7% ahead of the adjusted for inflation opening weekend ($145.6 million) of Star Wars: Episode III- Revenge Of The Sith from 11 years ago.

Collateral Beauty Aims To Be Uplifting And Ends Up Being Only Extremely Disturbing

THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS ONLY IN THE SENSE THAT THE ACTUAL PLOT OF COLLATERAL BEAUTY, WHICH IS REVEALED SUPER EARLY ON IN THE MOVIE, HAS BEEN HIDDEN BY THE MARKETING.

I have no idea what was running through the minds behind the people in charge of the screenplay and initial concept for Collateral Beauty, but good Lord, but I can only assume they had some disturbing thoughts rattling around in their cranium that could only be worked out by way of writing up a script that dressed up its creepy and disturbing plot in the guise of an inspirational feel-good weepy drama. That's the only reasonable explanation I can concoct for what Collateral Beauty even exists, because if human beings actually thought this was gonna work as a straightforward inspirational drama, well, they're very optimistic, I'll give them that.

Dear God, What Hath The Ice Age Series Become With Its Newest Movie, Collision Course?

We've all changed since 2002 in profound ways. For instance, back in 2002, I was a kindergartner obsessed with superheroes and animated Disney movies....and now I'm a 20 year old obsessed with superheroes and animated Disney movies. And back in 2002, Ice Age was actually a really movie, one that I revisited earlier this year and was surprised to find held up exceedingly well. It's got a darker edge and a more emotional center to it that the numerous sequels seriously lack in. It's a pity that, over a period of 14 years, we've gone from that strong 2002 animated feature to....whatever the hell you wanna call its newest sequel, Ice Age: Collision Course.

Rogue One May Carry A Darker Tone Than Past Star Wars Movies But It's Got The Same Rousing Spirit As The Best Of Its Predeccesors

With The Force Awakens reigniting the Star Wars saga last year, now comes time for the next stage of Disney's massive plans for the Star Wars franchise; seeing if they can do stand-alone spin-off movies without either confusing audiences or burning them off of Star Wars by way of subpar quality. The first of these spin-off films is Gareth Edwards Rogue One, a motion picture designed to answer the question that a handful of super hardcore Star Wars geeks may have briefly pondered once or twice over the years before moving on: "Who exactly got those Death Star plans to Leia?" The answer lies within the running time of Rogue One, wherein we get to see the folks behind the intrepid mission to retrieve the Death Star plans as well as plenty of exploration as to what the galaxy was like before Luke Skywalker's adventure in the original Star Wars movie began.

Grappling With A Fatally Sick Family Member Isn't Just Something That Happens To Other People

While the concept of coping with grief or the deathly sickness of a loved one is a fairly universal concept, we all process this experience differently by way of our own individual personalities, outlook and the kind of relationship we had with the person who is departing us now similarly plays a notable role in the way we cope with our grief.  For David Mulcahey (Jesse Plemons), the lead character of Other People, life wasn't going too smoothly even before he had to come to take care of his mother, Joanne (Molly Shannon), whose cancer is giving her mere months to live.

Sing Street Is A Euphoric Ode To The Power Of Music

It's been a pretty rough year for sure, no denying that. Like, I've had enough personal problems this year to fill up a whole silo, adding in all the real life tragedies and political turmoil happening in our country and it's easy to see why this year has been such a chaotic spiral of despair. So if you're looking for something peppy, something with a kind spirit or something just to make you feel good, allow me to introduce you to John Carney's Sing Street, one of the unsung (see what I did there??) gems of 2016 that's all but certain to put a spring in anyone's step and not just because of the awesome soundtrack!

Jeff Nichols Small-Scale Sensibility Works Like A Charm For Loving

Loving is a departure from some of director Jeff Nichols past few movies in quite a few ways, most notably in that this one takes more cues from his 2013 film Mud rather than his other 2016 film, the incredibly underrated Midnight Special, in terms of its story scope being very much grounded in reality. That more down-to-Earth approach ties into another crucial element that differentiates Loving from past Nichols movies, this one's actually based on a true story. The tale of Richard Perry Loving (here played by Joel Edgerton) and Mildred Jeter Loving (Ruth Negga) attempting to live a life together as a couple amidst prejudice against interracial real life is an event that really transpired, which offers new storytelling challenges that Nichols handles with the level of craft we've all come to expect from him.

Miss Sloane Is All About Immoral Means For Moral Ends

The world of politics is a slimy place, as this most recent presidential election has most certainly shown. It's a realm that earns scorn and disgust from many and it's a place where Miss Sloane decides to tell its story to quite entertaining results. This John Madden film does not sugar-coat ts depiction of the turncoat nature of this aspect of American society, instead plopping viewers right into the middle of morally dubious politicians and even have our protagonist be a human being whose got no qualms with doing things that redefine unethical in order to score another victory. That human being in question is the titular Miss Elizabeth Sloane (Jessica Chastain).

There....Is....A...Brotherhood! Of Maaaaaaaannn (Down)!

The gradual downfall of Shia LaBeouf over the past decade has been sad to watch to be sure. Once the protege of the likes of Steven Spielberg, LaBeouf has been entangled in a number of legal issues for the past 11 years that have just gradually escalated in their craziness. The dude's basically unemployable by major studios at this point due to his erratic behavior and it's a shame that all of his actions (a number of which, like the plagiarism fiasco, are detestable) because he is talented and deserves better movies to star in than Man Down, a war movie that's been dumped into a small amount of theaters in the first weeks of December and I can't quite say such a release pattern is too ill-fitting for a movie of this level of quality.

Surviving Christmas Will Make You Lose Faith In Christmas, Comedy And Humanity

OK, so, the 2000 live-action Grinch movie is still awful awful awful, but holy hell, the only real compliment I can now pay it is that at least it isn't Surviving Christmas, which may indeed by the nadir standard for all of Christmas cinema to come. To watch this 2004 Mike Mitchell movie is to gaze into a deranged human beings interpretation of what dark comedy is as well as an unhinged conception of what constitutes an entertaining protagonist. God only knows what lured Ben Affleck and James Gandolfini into this trash but Jesus Christ, I hope they got a big paycheck. That's more than I got out of this torturous movie.

At Least London Has Fallen Is Better Than Its Predecessor?

I'm surprised London Has Fallen did even just decent business at the box office earlier this year, mainly because I was surprised the first movie had registered enough with people that they'd greet a sequel with anything more than a "Ho-hum". Olympus Has Fallen was a dreary disaster, carrying a dismal dark visual aesthetic that ensured that every frame was devoid of proper lighting and coherency. None of the action was fun, it was paced poorly and the release of White House Down just three months later served to only emphasize just how off the mark this March 2013 White House action movie truly was.

Moana Wins The Box Office For The Third Weekend In A Row While Office Christmas Party Gets Started And La La Land Dances To Massive Numbers

Well now, anyone else getting some deja vu from this same weekend last year? It's yet another second weekend of December where everyone's waiting for a new Star Wars movie to debut next weekend. Luckily, things were much livelier this time of year thanks to the presence of Moana and Office Christmas Party performing far better than the higher-profile new release from last year, In The Heart Of The Sea. But first, Moana was indeed on top of the box office for the third weekend in a row, grossing another $18.8 million, a 33% dip from last weekend that brings the smash hit family movies domestic gross up to $145 million in 19 days of domestic release. Where exactly this one ends its impressive domestic run will all depend on how well it holds against Rogue One and Sing over the next two weeks. It could go as low as $210-215 million or it could end up as high as $240-245 million. We shall see in the coming weeks ahead.

Not far behind in second place was a solid performance from Office Christmas Party, which grossed $17.5 million in its opening weekend, the eighth biggest opening weekend for a Jason Bateman movie, the eleventh biggest debut for a Jennifer Aniston movie and the fourteenth biggest opening weekend for a Christmas movie ever. While not a massive bow, this is a solid debut for the film that can be chalked up to a marketing campaign that emphasized raunchy yuletide hijinks and a large-scale ensemble cast that mixed well-known stars (Jason Bateman and Jennifer Aniston) with various noteworthy talents from well-received 2016 projects (Courtney B. Vance, Kate McKinnon and T.J. Miller). Christmas themed films tend to hold quite well, so expect this one to finish its domestic run in the range of $60-65 million, a decent sum though one that'll need foreign grosses to fully recoup its $45 million budget.

In its fourth weekend, Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them grossed another $10.7 million, a 40% dip from last weekend, about on par with the fourth weekend dip of the last Hunger Games at the same weekend last year. Fantastic Beasts has now grossed $199.3 million and looks to be headed towards a final domestic gross between $225-230 million domestically. Arrival had yet another great dip in its surprisingly strong box office run, going down only 23% to gross another $5.6 million and bringing its domestic cume to $81.4 million. If this movie can just not get uttely decimated by the new releases over the next two weeks, it looks like Arrival could crack $100 million domestically, an insane feat for the motion picture. Doctor Strange grossed another $4.6 million this weekend had a solid 30% dip, which is slightly larger than the 26% dip experienced by Spectre in its sixth weekend though much smaller than the 41% drop seen by Thor: The Dark World in its sixth weekend of release. Doctor Strange has now grossed a strong $222.3 million domestically. Allied actually had the largest weekend-to-weekend drop in the top ten, going down 43% to gross another $4 million, bringing its domestic cume to $35.6 million in 19 days of domestic release.

Nocturnal Animals went into its first weekend of wide release grossing an alright $3.1 million at 1,262 theaters for a per-theater-average of $2,500. It's managed to gross $6.2 million after 24 days of release (only 3 of those days have been in wide release) and should be able to surpass the $9.1 million domestic cume of director Tom Ford's last movie, A Single Man, though it'll be tough for this one to stick around at the domestic box office considering the onslaught of new releases that are on the way.

Finally cracking the top ten this weekend was Manchester By The Sea, which grossed a strong $3.1 million at 368 locations for a per-theater average of $8,500. The film will be going into wide release this Friday and looks to be set to do solid business there. Manchester By The Sea has now grossed $8.3 million, making it already the eighth biggest movie ever for Roadside Attractions (who are distributing this one theatrically on behalf of Amazon Studios) before it even goes into wide release. Still out there and kicking is Trolls, which grossed another $3.1 million this weekend, a 34% dip from last weekend which is a notably bigger sixth weekend decline than the likes of The Peanuts Movie (which lost 25% in its sixth weekend). Trolls has now grossed $145.4 million and will cross the $150 million mark sometime over the Christmas holidays. Rounding out the top ten was Hacksaw Ridge, which continues to perform splendidly, adding another $2.3 million to its domestic cume that now stands at a strong $60.8 million domestically.

Miss Sloane went into wide release this weekend and became yet another box office dud for EuropaCorp, who are just not having a good 2016. Grossing only $1.9 million, the political drama failed to catch on thanks to a poor marketing campaign and a massive amount of competing dramas in the marketplace. Look for this one to fade quickly from theaters in the coming weeks as a number of new releases open up, meaning this one will likely miss the $5 million mark domestically.

Bad Santa 2 is just limping to the finish line in its domestic release, grossing $1.2 million this weekend, which is a massive 62% drop from last weekend. Bad Santa 2 has only grossed $16.8 million in 19 days. Incarnate, meanwhile, grossed $1.09 million in its second weekend, a 57% drop from last weekend that takes its domestic total to just $4.2 million.

La La Land got off to a massive start in limited release, grossing $855,000 at just 5 locations for an outstanding per-theater average of $171,000, the tenth biggest opening weekend per-theater average of all-time and the third biggest for a non-Disney animated title (only The Grand Budapest Hotel and Red State were bigger in that category). La La Land will be expanding into more theaters on both December 16th (that's when it finally comes to a theater super close to me!) and December 25th, and if these massive box office figures are any indication, La La Land could be set up for a super impressive run at the domestic box office.

Expanding into 572 theaters this weekend was Loving, which grossed $623,380 for an underwhelming per-theater average of $1,090, taking its domestic total to $6.5 million. Jackie grossed $495,000 this weekend as it expanded into 26 theaters for a per-theater average of $19,038, a solid sum that takes its 10-day domestic cume to $859,000.  Not quite faring so well in a theater expansion was Lion, which went into 15 theaters and grossed $171,000 for a so-so per-theater-average of $11,461. It's starting to look like this one won't flourish much in a wider release if these are the kind of numbers it's putting up in a super limited release. Lion has now grossed $493,190 in 17 days of release. Finally, it's worth noting that, after 157 days of release, The Secret Life Of Pets surpassed Despicable Me 2 this weekend to become the biggest Illumination Entertainment movie ever.

The Top 12 movies this weekend grossed $76.4 million, very much on the low end for this time of year though it was up from the same weekend in 2014 and 2015.

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation Is Agreeable Christmastime Fare

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It's interesting, with the benefit of hindsight, to see what stuff sticks around in pop culture. On paper, National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation looks like the sort of easy cash-grab that'd be as quickly forgotten as it came, an obvious attempt to milk the National Lampoon's Vacation brand a third time after the first movies in this series had done so well. Instead, what they ended up with was a movie that made tidy chunk of change at the box office and ended up becoming not only the most famous entry in the series by a country mile but also one of the more noteworthy Christmas movies of the last three decades.

Spectral Gets Flanked By Its Generic Nature

Spectral's struggle to getting released at all feels like as much of a struggle as any of the supernatural wartime battles seen in the movie itself. Filmed back in the late parts of summer 2014, the film was produced by Legendary Pictures and set to be released theatrically by Universal in August 2016. Then, two months prior to its release, Universal swiped it off the release schedule without explanation. Spectral basically ceased to exist until two weeks ago, when Netflix abruptly announced that they'd be the ones releasing it on their streaming service on December 9th. They dropped the title yesterday with zero fanfare, no even the official Netflix Facebook page was promoting this thing, instead deciding to further promote the newest season of Fuller House.

Krisha Is A Small-Scale Examination Of The Difficulties Of Escaping One's Past

Our past define ourselves. Not to sound too weird or what have you, but our future and our past can be one and the same creation. One portion of our existence informs the other in numerous ways, sometimes for good, sometimes for ill. Keep this in mind as Krisha unfolds, a motion picture all too aware that our actions from the past have consequences that are felt long into the future. Just because tomorrow comes does not mean the slate is clean in terms of both other people's perception of you and your perception of yourself. That concept can make life a struggle and that's certainly one way to describe the sort of existence Krisha (Krisha Fairchild) is going through on this Thanksgiving Day.

Incarnate's Gonzo Premise Doesn't Result In Much Scares Or Fun

Incarnate is yet another modern day entry into the exorcism/demon possession horror film subgenre, something that's gained popularity from the likes of the Paranormal Activity movies, The Last Exorcism and The Devil Inside. However, Incarnate decides to throw in one helluva storytelling twist; religious methods will not be used to get rid of demons in this tale. Nope, instead, a person will travel into a possessed human beings mind and evict the demon out from within. That's certainly an interesting starting point for a horror movie, so it's a real shame Incarnate is a dud of a horror movie and way more boring and rote than its bonkers premise would suggest.

The Grinch Is The Nadir Of Christmas Movies

To watch the 2000 Grinch movie is to state into the yuletide covered abyss long enough for it to stare back at you. It is, without a doubt, one of the worst Christmas movies ever made, down there with Deck The Halls and Fred Claus as some truly terrible awful holiday-themed motion pictures.Truth be told, it strikes me as (more than anything) the Batman v. Superman of Christmas movies; a torturously overlong film that's both a total desecration of its source material and an outright disaster even when disassociated with said source material. If it weren't for Inferno, this would easily be the worst movie Ron Howard has directed in the 21st century.

Scrooged Gives Charles Dickens A Bill Murray Twist

Why do storytellers love A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens so much to the point that it's appeared in countless pieces of media for over a century now? Well, it being in the public domain certainly doesn't hurt, but the narrative allows one to easily plug in characters into the well-known roles of the multiple ghosts, Scrooge, Bob Cratchit, Tiny Tim, etc. Plus, the lead character, Ebenezer Scrooge, stands out amongst other Christmas tales in that he's crotchety and cruel, though his unique (among Christmas-related tales) personality does get resolved just in time for an emotionally fulfilling climax. It's basically a "have your cake and eat it too" scenario with Scrooge on a thematic level.

Moana Sea's Second Weekend Victory At The Box Office In Post-Thanksgiving Weekend

Moana managed to win the box office again this weekend, scoring a $28.3 million second weekend, a 50% decline from last weekend. Compared to past second weekend dips for animated family films that opened over Thanksgiving, Moana actually had a much smaller second-weekend decline than Tangled (56%), Frozen (53%) and Toy Story 2 (52%). Moana has now taken in $119.8 million in 12 days of domestic release, putting it about 11% behind the box office cume of Frozen's first 10 days in wide release. Also worth mentioning is that it brought up Disney's total 2016 domestic gross to $2.491 billion, the biggest yearly domestic sum for any studio in history. And they still have several weeks of Moana box office, not to mention a little movie called Rogue One, to go!
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Rules Don't Apply Is A Tepid Look Into The Late Years Of The Life Of Howard Hughes

Hiatuses are tricky things in art. Lord knows time away from any activity can sometimes result in you coming back as a more mature experienced person, but other times, well, the old adage rings true: you can't go home again. Just look at how extended breaks didn't help the return of the Anchorman and Arrested Development crew in their underwhelming 2013 reunion endeavors. For Warren Beatty, it's been 15 years since he was in front of the camera and nearly two whole decades since he last directed a motion picture. The wait for his newest movie, Rules Don't Apply, was, unfortunately, not worth all that waiting around.

Holiday 2016 Box Office Predictions (PART TWO)

This past Tuesday, I did the  first part in my two-part column wherein I predict just how much money various movies being released over the extended holiday break 2016 would make. Today is the second part of that series! One quick thing before we go forward; all but one of the movies discussed below are not opening on a Friday. I am predicting solely the opening 3-day weekend for the first three titles, and for Fences, I am predicting its single opening day gross as its opening weekend since it's opening on Sunday December 25. Sound good? OK, let's get down to business!!

December 21-25 Sing
Maybe my boldest box office prediction in this two-part column is that I'm not forecasting Sing to be another massive smash hit for Illumination Entertainment on par with their past movies like The Secret Life Of Pets and Despicable Me. Now, will it make money? Oh yeah, especially since the movie only costs $75 million, there's no way they're not doing at least five times their budget on this one. But the marketing for Sing has been a bit more lackluster compared to pass Illumination features. Oh it's been as omnipresent as ever, but compared to the "This is what your pets do when they're not looking!" angle of the ads for The Secret Life Of Pets and the "What if a supervillain did normal Dad things?" for the ads of Despicable Me that managed to incorporate relatable aspects of potential viewers lives into their marketing, there's been a more scattered approach for the Sing trailers and ads, likely as a way to showcase all of the members of its ensemble cast.

A less concentrated marketing scheme aside, Sing still has a long Christmas holiday at its disposal at the box office, so it should still make some coin, even if its box office total is more on the order of Hotel Transylvania 2 (which hails from Sony Pictures Animation) rather than The Secret Life Of Pets. While its opening weekend will be muted by Christmas Eve falling on a Saturday, Sing should still make a decent sum in its debut and stick around as a prime family moviegoing choice for the rest of the holidays.

Opening Weekend: $28 million
Total Gross: $165 million

Passengers
A movie starring Chris Pratt and Jennifer Lawrence should be a guaranteed box office slam-dunk, but three weeks out from its release, Passengers seems to be having some trouble in its marketing campaign that could keep it from really clicking. Sony's recent trouble with marketing large-scale blockbusters seems to have seeped over into Passengers with a marketing campaign that got a late start (just three months prior to its release), one of the blandest posters of the year that doesn't even indicate what genre the movie its promoting takes place in and further promotional materials that were tonally erratic at best.

The good news for Passengers is that it's main plot-related hook (two people wake up on a space station years before they're supposed to) is still coming through the ads and the promise of seeing two beloved actors in a science-fiction setting should still be appealing enough to the masses to keep this one above water. Plus, science-fiction dramas like Gravity, Interstellar and this past months Arrival have been making some serious coin, so don't be surprised if Passengers follows suit.

Opening Weekend: $24 million
Total Gross: $120 million

Assassin's Creed
If the past two movies I've discussed in the second part of this column have had to face some marketing-related hurdles, the Assassin's Creed marketing campaign has been (let's not mince words here) an outright disaster. Both of the trailers for the movie overwhelm audiences unfamiliar with the games with exposition, Michael Fassbender's lead character is given no personality to speak of in the ads that viewers can latch onto and its visual familiarity to video game movie flops like Prince Of Persia: Sands Of Time is probably not the kind of film 20th Century Fox wanted their major Christmastime blockbuster to emulate.

Facing that dreadful marketing campaign, as well as some serious competition from the likes of Rogue One and Passengers on its opening weekend, it's pretty unlikely that Assassin's Creed grosses more than $15 million in its opening weekend. This is likely gonna be the most high-profile box office miss of the yuletide season.

Opening Weekend: $11 million
Total Gross: $55 million

Why Him?
It's pretty apparent that the marketing for Why Him? is patterning itself after last year's Christmas comedy smash hit Daddy's Home, but there's two big factors that are gonna prevent Why Him? from coming anywhere close to Daddy's Home's box office. First off, Daddy's Home reunited Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg from the beloved 2010 The Other Guys, whereas Why Him?'s two leading men (James Franco and Bryan Cranston) have no previous beloved movies to draw audience goodwill from. Also, Daddy's Home was PG-13 and had its trailer play on numerous family films, meaning it could work as more of a family-skewed comedy playing during a time of the year where families are together. Daddy;s Home being R-rated means it won't be able to tap into that lucrative family market.

That being said, the lack of big comedies in the marketplace (Office Christmas Party probably won't be big enough to hinder Why Him?) will probably lead to this comedy to at least outgrossing 20th Century Fox's other Christmastime release, the far more expensive Assassin's Creed. Otherwise, this one will probably come and go in a flash at the box office.

Opening Weekend: $11 million
Total Gross: $60 million

Fences
Fences appears to be one of the safer box office bets in recent memory. Denzel Washington is one of the more consistently successful actors working today (all but one of his films since January 2010 have exceeded $80 million at the box office) and pairing him up with a well-known actor like Viola Davis should only increase the chances of this one finding success. Four years ago, Denzel Washington starred in the adult drama Flight, which grossed $93.7 million domestically. Being paired up with Violas Davis plus opening over the Christmas holiday and some major Oscar buzz should get it slightly above that movie domestically, especially if it manages to snag some high-profile Oscar nominations that could keep it in theaters well into February.

Opening Weekend: $8 million
Total Gross: $105 million

God Help Us All, My Prediction Came True; Someone Just Made A Mash-Up Of All-Star And Bee Movie.

"I Am Become Death, Destroyer Of Worlds." - J. Robert Oppenheimer

Back on Tuesday, I wrote up on a version of All-Star someone on YouTube had made where ever word was now SOME-BODY. It was both beautiful and terrifying. The internet was now toying with the power of Smash Mouth, its obsession with the band being the sort of fixation that can only end in disaster. Ditto for the internet's obsession with Bee Movie, a 2007 DreamWorks Animation film that wasn't very successful at the box office and more noteworthy for proving a one-joke premise and an omnipresent marketing cannot compensate for a lackluster script.

Now, the same YouTube personality behind the version of All-Star with only the words Somebody sung in it has decided to play in God's domain and just merge the two of internet's obsession with a horrifying minute-long gaze into the abyss. Looking over this guys YouTube videos, his obsession with All-Star is staggering. It's as if the internets ongoing Smash Mouth mania is just the various planets spinning around the sun that is this guys various All-Star-centric videos. How he can top himself after his most recent creation, I don't know, but I'm truly scared to find out.

All-Star is utterly unrecognizable in the form it's presented in here. What has become of you All-Star? Have you succumbed to the memes you thought you could control? Have you become the very incoherent meme you were at first trying to ironically parody? Contemplating this matter further, if All-Star cannot endure in this world untainted, what hope is there for the rest of us? I hope the human being behind this entity is proud of himself. He has proven that there is only despair in this world. All that is waiting for us all in this torturous existence is misery and ironic Bee Movie memes. There is nothing else. At once, we are all Barry B. Benson and yet none of us truly are Barry B. Benson.

The horrors of 2016 will never cease.

Frosty's Winter Wonderland Is The Oddball Sequel To Frosty The Snowman That Nobody Asked For

There are a select few of the Rankin-Bass Christmas specials that get trotted out every Christmas on CBS, ABC and Freeform to typical ratings success. Y'know, your Rudolph's, your Santa Claus Is Coming To Town's, all that good stuff. And then there's the majority of the duo's catalogue that attempted to cash in on the success of those big holiday-themed special titans and just never went anywhere. Nestor The Long-Eared Donkey is one, Pinocchio another and then there's this sequel to one of the biggest holiday specials of all-time, Frosty's Winter Wonderland. As Andy Griffith (who narrates this special) notes at the beginning of this special, you may know the tale of Frosty The Snowman, "...but do you know of [when] Frosty...took a wife??"

Holiday 2016 Box Office Predictions (PART ONE)

Oh my God, it's actually the holiday season, huh? That means it's time for my third annual Holiday Box Office Predictions, where I attempt to guess just what movies are gonna be biggest during the lucrative holiday period this year. Sure, we all know Rogue One is gonna be making big bucks, but what about the other movies opening up in this time period? This is the column where I examine such a query over two parts. Now, just as a heads up, from December 9th to December 25th, there eight motion pictures debuting in wide release and at least three more (Nocturnal Animals, Miss Sloane and La La Land) that are limited releases that are definitely expanding into wide release over the Christmas holiday. There are other limited release movies like Jackie, Lion and Manchester By The Sea going into wide release in December, but since I don't have exact dates for their expansions I will not be predicting their exact box office totals.

The Newest Atrocity Created By White People In 2016 Is This Version Of All-Star Where Every Word Is Somebody

If I've learned anything in 2016, it's that us white people can do anything, and I mean that sentiment in the worst way possible. We can overtake wildlife refugees and suffer no consequences! Hell, a white dolt can brag about grabbing women by the genitals and can elected president! It's like we're living an Alt-Rights wet dream. And now the newest atrocity committed by white people is the newest evolution of the internet's ongoing obsession with Smash Mouth's late 1990's song All-Star. This newest piece of evolution entails replacing every word in the song with the very first word uttered in the song: SOMEBODY.

Check it out below.



I am beyond words.

What I hate about this thing most of all is how damn catchy it is. Goddamnit, why does this song work so well for whatever machinations the evil geniuses on the internet with too much time on their hands come up with??

We all know it's only a matter of time before someone decides to merge the internet's two current favorite obsessions right? Like, some kind of Bee Movie/All-Star hybrid is waiting in the wings. Perhaps our salvation from Trump's America will come in the form of this horrific Bee Movie/All-Star hybrid, a creation whose beauty unites the world over, ceases all wars and eliminates world hunger in the blink of an eye.

It is coming people. Just you wait....

A Seafaring Quest For Identity Drives The Thoughtful And Fun Moana

Looks like Walt Disney Animation Studios recent hot streak continues unabated with their newest motion picture, Moana, which also manages to be the movie that brings back Disney Animation legends Ron Clements and John Musker to the directors chair for the first time since the 2009 feature The Princess And The Frog. This duo's been responsible for a couple of movies you may have heard of like The Little Mermaid and Aladdin and now, with Moana, they've probably made their best movie yet, mainly because its plot is better structured than the likes of The Little Mermaid and its also got a lead character who's actually as interesting as the sidekicks and world they inhabit unlike their 1997 effort Hercules.

A Sense Of Authenticity Courses Through The Veins Of The Edge Of Seventeen

When Hailee Steinfeld came onto the scene in December 2010 with a fantastic leading (not supporting as the Academy Awards erroneously thought) performance in True Grit, you'd think such a turn would have made her a major commodity in the world of American cinema. Alas, any woman in Hollywood is going to find challenges in advancing their career and for Steinfeld she was boxed into co-starring as generic daughter roles to leading male characters in the likes of 3 Days To Kill and Begin Again. Granted, she was in Pitch Perfect 2 (a film I freely admit to not yet seeing) last year, but that's been the only major role of note Steinfeld seems to have garnered in the past six years.

Moana Swims To Box Office Victory, Fantastic Beasts Holds Quite Well, Allied Is A World War II Dud And Bad Santa 2 Has Bad Weekend

Well now, if this wasn't a hustling and bustling Thanksgiving weekend at the box office. In fact, this was the fourth biggest Thanksgiving weekend of all-time, with one massively successful new release and some strong holdovers paired up with three wide release newcomers that failed to gain traction in the slightest.

Nocturnal Animals Is A Dive Into The Unusual And The Well-Made

Have you ever heard of Paciugo? It's a gelato place that allows you to have multiple flavors of ice cream in one bowl! There's a couple of Paciugo's near where I live (one of them is even inside the movie theater I see most of my movies in!) and the narrative structure of Nocturnal Animals reminds me of one of the confections you could get at Paciugo, in that multiple different storytelling flavors are incorporated into one bowl/movie. You've got a Southern revenge thriller, a high-society slow-burn thriller filled with regret and a romantic drama that dovetails into tragedy.

Brief Thanksgiving Box Office Update: Moana Drowning Newcomers While Fantastic Beasts Is Showing Strong Stamina

I'm still recuperating from all the food I ate yesterday, not to mention trying to study for a major Math exam on Monday, but what the hey, how about a real brief look at what's been going on at the box office these past two days which have delivered four new wide releases that are all doing varying degrees of box office. I'll just be talking about those four new wide releases and Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them in this super brief (by my standards!) box office column!

For Moana, it's been smooth sailing at the box office after debuting to $15.7 million on Wednesday, a bigger opening day figure than Frozen, and then grabbing another $9.9 million yesterday. With $25.6 million rounded up in just two days, it's looking at an opening weekend in the low-60 millions and an opening five-day gross in the high-80 million range. These numbers are quite similar, albeit slightly smaller, than the ones posted by Frozen over the Thanksgiving holiday frame.

Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them has actually been holding quite well over the week, grossing $11.1 million on Wednesday and decreasing just 12% on Thursday to gross another $9.6 million, a smaller Wednesday-to-Thursday decrease than the one that the final Hunger Games movie had during this exact same holiday frame last year. Newt Scamander should have a second weekend in the mid-40 million range, taking him well past $150 million in just 10 days.

It looks like Allied is struggling more than most Brad Pitt films, with the World War II drama grossing only $2.7 million on its opening day and then going down 14% on Thursday to add $2.3 million to its domestic cume. It looks like the feature will barely crack $10 million over its opening weekend, an insanely poor bow for an $85 million budgeted drama/thriller. We'll see if this one can rebound in the days ahead, but it doesn't look so good right now.

If small-scale movie studio was looking for Bad Santa 2 to reverse their cold streak at the box office, well, they're getting coal in their stocking I'm afraid, as Bad Santa 2 is looking to become the newest 2016 sequel to bomb badly. Bad Santa grossed only $1.58 million on its opening day and then went down 16% yesterday to gross another $1.3 million. This one's not even going to gross over $10 million over the five-day holiday frame, a disastrous result.

Speaking of disasters, Rules Don't Apply, the newest Warren Beatty directorial effort, became one of the year's biggest wide release duds, grossing only $308,000 on opening day and going down 9% on Thanksgiving Day to add $279,000 to its gross. Despite playing in over 2,300 theaters and having some relatively big names in its cast (like, y'know, Warren Beatty), this movies not gonna gross over $1.5 million over its three-day opening weekend. Yikes.

I'll be back Sunday to discuss in greater detail the opening weekend sums of these movies, as well as analyze why they soared or failed at the box office, as well as look at the box office grosses of holdovers like Doctor Strange, Trolls and Arrival and arthouse fare like Nocturnal Animals, Loving and Lion.

Billy Lynn's Long Halftime Walk Just Can't Stop Stumbling Over Its Own Feet

If there's one thing director Ang Lee loves, it's ambition. His 2012 mega-hit Life Of Pi was a small-scale movie that mostly confined itself to a boat starring an unknown actor and a CGI tiger while Brokeback Mountain is one of the most high-profile American movies to deal with the typically taboo topic of homosexuality. Even his foray into superhero movies, the 2003 Hulk film, has one of its core plot points revolve around spousal abuse and the effect that has on a young child's psychology. You give Ang Lee a box to play in, he's gonna think outside of it and then some, no question about it.

Believe The Hype, Moonlight Is An Incredible Motion Picture Experience

Recently, I engaged in a conversation regarding films that had an impact on the world around them. Think of how Casablanca was an artistic outlet for refugees whose voices were being silenced in the all too harsh real world. I feel fairly confident in saying that future discussions centered around this topic will have to include Moonlight for so many outstanding reasons. Moonlight isn't just a phenomenal motion picture (though it very much is one, make no mistake), it's something more than that. It's a beautiful portrait of a man trying to grow up in a society unwilling to accept him for who he is, told with the kind of commanding filmmaking that lodges itself into your mind and never escapes.

Shut In Traps Audiences In Inescapable Boredom

For a thriller, Shut In is sorely lacking in actual thrills. Actually, it's more likely to instill a sense of tedium in prospective audiences rather than dread or unease. It doesn't even manage to be a uniquely bad movie, it's just endlessly dull even with a couple of nonsensical plot twists stashed away in its bare-bones story. Poor Naomi Watts and Jacob Tremblay, they deserve so much better than this chilly idiocy to star in. At least Tremblay will have a failed movie project he can joke about with interviewers once the next Academy Awards ceremony rolls around.

Paddington Is A Charming Tale With Wit And Heart To Spare

Well, color me more than a tad bit surprised that Paddington is an out-and-out charmer of a movie! What looked like yet another Alvin And The Chipmunks knock-off in its marketing turned out to be something genuinely special, a sweet tale exploring the experience of a foreign individual trying to adapt to the customs and culture of a new country. Unlike, say, Million Dollar Arm or something, the fellow whose actually trying to adjust to unfamiliar surroundings is the lead of this particular story, meaning we, the audience, get to really dive into how such an experience would affect a persons psyche.

Fantastic Beasts Runs Wild Across The Box Office While A Number Of New Adult-Skewing Releases Bomb Hard In Pre-Thanksgiving Frame

15 years after Harry Potter first debuted in movie theaters everywhere, Newt Scamander began his cinematic journey with Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them, which grossed a solid $75 million this weekend. That's considerably below the opening weekends of all the Harry Potter movies, even the two that debuted on Wednesdays and is also the lowest grossing opening weekend for a movie bowing in the pre-Thanksgiving frame since Twilight debuted to $69.6 million eight years ago. It's the eighth biggest opening weekend ever for a prequel and is already the highest grossing live action movie Dan Fogler has ever appeared in.

There's Too Much Running Wild In The Uneven Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them

There's quite a bit that occurs in Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them, lots of plotlines that transpire in a two-hour running time, loads of magical creatures to meet and new characters to get to know. Despite the large amount of new content lumped onto the audience, it's surprising just how little of this new corner of the Harry Potter universe manages to really register. There's really not a unique tone that this production aspires to, nor are the distinctive time period or famous location (New York City) used to their fullest potential. Do not be mistaken, there are elements for sure in here that are fun or interesting, but the problem is most of the best aspects of Fantastic Beasts are either on the margin of the plot proper or don't get enough screentime to match their fullest potential.

Even Kids Will Likely Find Trolls Too Lacking And One-Note To Fully Enjoy

In the esteemed pantheon of movie adaptations of toys, Trolls can at least take pride in the indisputable fact that it's better than the Transformers sequels and Battleship. And amongst its DreamWorks Animation brethren, it's better than the last two Shrek movies! That's sort of the extent of the highest praise I can offer Trolls, a movie that exists solely to sell toys and albums and makes very little attempt to cover that up. Like, I'm not naive, I know there toy executives slobbering over the infinitely better movie Zootopia since that one had limitless potential for stuffed animals and the like. But there's at least a great movie there, so who cares if they make some toys off it?

The Angry Birds Movie Is A Dream Come True For Marketers And Tedious For Everyone Else

One day, we'll get a good video game movie. Hell, we've gotten multiple high-quality movies using video game iconography like Scott Pilgrim vs. The World and Wreck-It Ralph. But as for direct film adaptations of video games? We're still not there yet. The Angry Birds Movie does nothing to reverse this trend, though its flaws aren't so much related to the failings of other video game movies as they are about this movie clearly trying to imitate conventional tropes of major American computer-animated family movies without understanding how to make these storytelling staples work in a remotely successful manner.

Wayne's World Is Frequently Pleasant Though It Doesn't Quite Reach The Heights Of "Excellent!"

Movies based on recurring characters on Saturday Night Live are basically a thing of the past in the 21st century (the only entries in this subgenre since 2000 are The Ladies Man and MacGruber), but they were all the rage in the 1990's as immediate efforts were made to replicate the box office success of Wayne's World. The likes of Coneheads or Stuart Saves His Family (or even a direct Wayne's World follow-up) couldn't come remotely close to the box office returns of Wayne and Garth's first theatrical outing, which has emerged as one of the more quoted and beloved comedies of the 1990's.

OK, How About We Get All Of The Details Straight On The Inhumans Becoming An ABC TV Series That'll Air Right After The Middle, Shall We?

I'm not as familiar with The Inhumans via their comic book appearances as I am with numerous other Marvel comic book characters, but they are the kind of overtly stylized science-fiction nonsense I can groove on rather easily. I mean, the Royal Family of Inhumans contains a guy who can't speak lest he his vocals destroy entire planets, a woman whose hair can tear enemies apart, a fish person and a gigantic teleporting bulldog. When it was announced this Royal Family would be headlining a Marvel Cinematic Universe movie to be released in November 2018, well, I was happy as clam.

Beauty And The Beast Trailer Is Angling For Your Millennial Nostalgia

The next in Disney's long line of upcoming live-action adaptations of their animated movies (which somehow does not include a Home On The Range remake from director Peter Strickland) is Beauty And The Beast, which already had the most watched trailer of all-time this past summer and is now looking to translate the popularity of its trailer into box office success. That shouldn't be a problem at all (seriously, this thing's gonna be a box office...beast!), but will it actually be a good movie? Pete's Dragon and The Jungle Book suggest these live-action Disney remakes are on the upswing quality-wise but the likes of Maleficent and Alice In Wonderland still linger in one's mind. Well, there's a new trailer for Beauty & The Beast that looks to give prospective moviegoers a better glimpse as to what's to come.

Doctor Strange Wins The Box Office Again While Arrival Arrives To Solid Numbers Over Veteran's Day Weekend

Alright, let's talk about some box office figures, shall we? Maybe it'll take all of our minds off some....not so good recent real world events for just a moment.

Arrival Is An Excellent Demonstration Of The Power Of Visual Storytelling

We've had a lot of alien invasion movies over the decades, but the best ones are those that carve a distinct tone and perspective in their narrative, the movies that seek to do something more than just have aliens blow stuff up. Sometimes ya get the anarchic glee of Mars Attacks!, other times you get the post-9/11 allegories of War Of The Worlds. So what is Arrival's particular approach to the alien invasion subgenre? Intimacy, honestly. Just in the way the movies shot alone suggests a sense of the filmmakers wanting the audience to become familiar with its protagonist and connect with her on her journey of discovery.

Kurt Russell And A Go-For-Broke Attitude Shine In Big Trouble In Little China

To look at the career of director John Carpenter in an in-depth manner is to realize that this guy was nothing if not tonally versatile in the work he produced. The creepy horror film Halloween launched his vocation as a filmmaker into the stratosphere, while the 1982 effort The Thing returned Carpenter to the horror genre with plenty of newfound science-fiction elements to keep things fresh. John Carpenter's 1986 feature Big Trouble In Little China is a bold departure of either of those previously mentioned movies in a myriad of ways, not only in the way it constantly uses Eastern and Chinese imagery but also in its more zany light-hearted atmosphere.

What Do We Do Now? Where Do We Go?

If you're at all a reasonable person, you're likely gripped by fear by the results of yesterday's election that have ensured that rapist and white supremacist Donald Trump will be the 45th President Of The United States. A man fueled by hatred is ruling our country, and his followers who love to burn black churches and support his rhetoric will only help ensure that the racially-based bigotry (which has always existed in our country for that matter) he has exploited for this election will become all the more prominent. Now would be a great time for someone to offer words that stir one's soul and let everyone know everything's going to be alright in the end.

That is not this piece of writing.

Hacksaw Ridge Is An Over-Done But Mostly Emotionally Satisfying War Drama

In an on-air interview with Stephen Colbert this past week, Mel Gibson made explicit mention that he felt that the act of suffering was a critical part of his religion, Catholicism. And that comes through loud and clear in Hacksaw Ridge, a World War II movie that makes sure to find plenty of time to linger on the kind of barbaric violence and grotesque casualties that occur in war. His devotion to his faith also manages to have a heavy presence in the movie by way of the lead characters strict adherence to the ways of Jesus Christ. It must be said, as a Christian myself, it is truly nice to see a movie with my theology at the center of it that's actually well-made and professional looking. This isn't a God's Not Dead type endeavor in terms of production value in other words.

Inferno Is So Bad I'm Not Even Giving It A Hell-Themed Pun. It Doesn't Deserve My Puns.

Just a few days after seeing The Handmaiden, a fantastic example of using plot twists to enhance plot lines and characters, here comes Inferno, whose entire purpose seems to be to serve as the nadir of what gratuitous story twists can accomplish. There is literally nothing going on in Inferno beyond two acts that plunge the viewer into complete confusion before revealing a final act that ceaselessly drops plot twists on the audience in the same way donuts were served to Homer Simpson in Hell in Treehouse Of Horror IV. Could this be the worst 21st-century movie Tom Hanks has starred in? Mayhaps people, mayhaps.

Man Clutching Anime Body Pillow Claims Film Critic Who Affected A Films Rotten Tomatoes Score Is Infested With "Bias"

Earlier this morning, local Texas pizza roll devourer and anime body pillow aficionado Justin Dunnigan took to the internet to express grievances with a film critic named Tina Harmon who dared to give a negative review to the forthcoming Star Wars movie Star Wars: They Built An Even Bigger Death Star This Time. Dunnigan noticed the individuals negative opinion upon immediately recognizing that said movie review had knocked the Star Wars movies Rotten Tomatoes score from 100% to a mere 98%. Despite having not seen the movie, Justin Dunnigan immediately noted that Tina Harmon was "full of bias" and "being paid off for her review".