Aloha Review

Sun, Sand, Surf And Boredom

Sitting there in that movie theater, watching an endless amount of frames flicker across the enormous screen, I could feel tedium consuming my entire being. What had I become? Where had I gone? Who am I? These were the sort of lofty inquires I'd have much rather pondered than watching Cameron Crowes Aloha, an exercise in filmmaking that attempts to prove how monotonous one singular feature film can be.


I have no clue as to how a large number of actors who I thoroughly enjoy on a frequent basis got caught up in this. Maybe the paycheck was too hefty, or perhaps the allure of filming in Hawaii was too good to pass up. One thing I know for certain is that there's no way the script coerced the likes of Emma Stone to jump on this bandwagon, especially since it revolves around one of the more boring protagonists I've seen in a recent film, Brian Gilcrest, whose played by Bradley Cooper.

The last few years have been a boon for Cooper, whose demonstrated incredible range in a number of films (Silver Linings Playbook, American Hustle, Guardians of The Galaxy, the list goes on and on), but boy howdy does he hit a dud here. Aloha so relentlessly focuses on the plights of Gilcrest without ever making his conflicts even the least bit interesting that it just becomes agonizing to sit through. His only notable character trait, aside from a dis-configured toe, is his unstoppable cynicism, which becomes more aggravating than endearing.

Everybody else in the film lack a clear purpose besides delivering crucial expository dialogue to Gilcrest, which leaves the likes of Rachel McAdams and Danny McBride crucially under utilized. The only one who gets some moments to shine is Emma Stone, playing Allison Ng. Her spunky, ready-for-anything personality is enjoyable in its own right, and some of the moments where she bounces off the more crotchety demeanor of Gilcrest leads to some of the only moments in aloha that have a pulse. Alas, even she soon succumbs to the generic spirit of this movie by having her distinctively bullish manner tempered by a fiendish plot involving weapons, satellites and the sky.

It's a shame Stone couldn't keep being a positive presence in Aloha, as the film desperately needs something, anything to keep it afloat. Hell, it's not even all the entertaining in its low quality; some early moments of bizarrely executed jokes (there's a wonderfully miscalculated moment where Gilcrest just leans out a car window to start howling) set up expectations for more comedic misfires to come that sadly, aside from Bill Murray singing The Wheels On The Bus Go Round And Round, never arrive. By the end of its wretched running time, Aloha proves to be an uneventful waste of talent that just made me long to escape the movie theater and enjoy a more riveting activity, like watching grass grow in my backyard.