Saturday, August 16, 2014

The Expendables 3 Review

What can Sylvester Stallone do now? I'm not asking this as some mean or snarky remark, I'm honestly wondering, what can this guy do now? I'm sure he could so some excellent drama if he so desired, but he seems to content to just riff on his legacy in films like Grudge Match and Escape Plan. Both of those were terrible, and while The Expendables 3 is better than those, it's still a forgettable excursion that needed more of entertaining characters to keep its pitiful screenplay afloat.


Now, I normally make these reviews completely spoiler free, but this is the rare time where I need to drop a MINOR SPOILERS TAG here, because there's one primary plot point that drives the story I really need to talk about. Barney (Sylvester Stallone) disbands his current roster of Expendables, because he doesn't want them getting hurt against the nefarious baddie Stonebanks. The idea isn't bad in and of itself, but it does rob us of the chance of seeing guys we already know like Statham and Lundgreen rubbing shoulders with Stallone. Are they great actors? Not really, but they actually have excellent chemistry and are fun to watch bounce off each other. It's also perplexing since Wesley Snipes character is one of the team members that's part of the disbandment, despite an entire (poorly edited) opening sequence devoted to him.

They get replaced by four younger Expendables and these youngsters. Are. Awful. I mean, not a single one is anything more than a cliche. The hacker, the one I don't even remember, the woman and the one that Kelsey Grammer calls, without a hint of tongue-in-cheek (I'm not kidding about this) a guy who doesn't like authority. Ah, but of course, couldn't have a team without the one dude who doesn't like leaders and lal that but manages to work with the team in the end? These kind of stereotypes aren't bad inherently, especially if presented in a unique or entertaining manner, but they're not. Instead, they're played by a roster of actors that make the likes of Steve Austin look like Daniel Day-Lewis. The fact that we're supposed to really care for these guys when they're in danger is maybe the worst part of this whole thing, since it robs the film of any emotional potency.

But then Mel Gibson comes in. The dude is obviously having a blast here and it's nothing short of astounding to see someone actually acting after spending so much time with these annoying younger Expendables. He plays a great bad guy, relentlessly overflowing with the kind of hammy menacing spirit that's so much fun to watch. He's really helpful in keeping the film afloat, as is Arnold Schwarzenegger, also having a good time. I won't lie guys, I was "this" close to cheering when Schwarzenegger and Jet Li begin firing machine guns from a helicopter. That's the kind of insane mayhem this franchise should always go for, not trying to make Kellan Lutz this decades equivalent to Steven Seagal.

The rest of the film is sort of just meandering, with the films action moments being mostly successful, while the numerous attempts at comedy are more hit-or-miss. Much of the comedy rests on Antonio Banderas shoulders, and he's pretty amusing, though a little bit of his character here goes a long way. Also, I just need to say the editing in this film is horrendous. In order to achieve a PG-13 rating, numerous scenes of violences are edited in a clumsy manner in order to avoid seeing gruesome demises and blood. That's fine to appease the MPAA, but several moments are almost incoherent thanks to this terrible instance of editing. Thankfully, much of the rest of the movie isn't nearly that bad, though even the best parts rarely rise above watchable (except for Gibsons nicely unhinged performance).

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