Brace Yourself Humanity, Transformers Is Becoming A Cinematic Universe

I've said it before, but it always bears repeating: cinematic universe aren't inherently bad, they just can be in the hands of poor storytelling, just like any other aspect of cinema. The Marvel Cinematic Universe is how to do this tactic right, The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (which shoehorned in countless characters in an effort to establish potential spin-offs) is obviously how to do it wrong. Call me crazy, but I have a hunch the newly announced Transformers cinematic universe might not be a recipe for artistic brilliance.

The Rock Review (Classic Write-Up)

Rock N' Roll All Night

Watching The Rock is like stepping into some kind of super warped time machine, one that takes it's viewer into the wonderful world of 1996. Here is an age where Michael Bay was a promising director coming off the previous years hit Bad Boys, and was making easily his most audacious project yet; The Rock, an action feature that has Nicolas Cage and Sean Connery teaming up to take down Ed Harris, who has taken the entire facility of Alcatraz (it's also referred to as, cue dramatic music, THE ROCK) hostage. Oh, and did I mention the villain has numerous deadly bombs with him?

The Ten Worst Movies Of 2014

Well, the first article I write for Land Of The Nerds in 2015 should have some kind of significance, right? So, I've come to the decision of take a look at the ten worst movies I saw in 2014! Let's not waste any time, and get right to it!

Unbroken Review

Don't Go Unbroken My Heart

I find movies that have the elements of greatness and fail to utilize them far more frustrating than an outright terrible film like God's Not Dead or Transformers: Age Of Extinction. Not even Wes Anderson could have made Trans4mers compelling, whereas Unbroken has all the ingredients of being terrific right at it's feet. The story of Louie Zamperini is an astonishing one full of courage and bravery ripe for an effective cinematic depiction, and sadly, Unbroken just doesn't utilize it.

Summer Movie Memories: The Fourth Transformers Movie Ambition Is Only Outmatched By Its Idiocy

My reaction to Trans4mers

Up until Labor Day, I'll be looking at seven different summer movies from Summer 2014 and analyzing what really made them stand out this summer, for reasons both good and bad. Obviously, SPOILERS for Transformers: Age of Extinction lie ahead. 

Box Office Predictions: Three New Releases Dare To Challenge The Apes

After some quiet weekends at the box office (save for an impressive showing from Dawn of the Planet of The Apes last weekend), three new releases pop up this weekend to try to make some cash. Who'll win? Can anyone top Caesar? Read on to find out!

Snowpiercer Review

Off The Rails And Into Brilliance

You'll have to forgive me on this one, am this review is gonna be extremely vague when it comes to exact details as to what precisely happens in Snowpiercer, the sci-fi drama from director Joon-ho Bong that's become famous for the terrible treatment Harvey Weinstein (a man in an extremely powerful position at The Weinstein Company, the studio distributing Snowpiercer) has given it. But appropriate feelings of pity towards the project aren't the only thing we should feel for the film; we should feel elation that one of the best sci-fi projects in ages has been created.

Box Office Predictions: No Monkeying Around For Number One This Weekend

In Box Office Predictions, I take a look at the forthcoming weekend and see how new releases and holdovers will fare.

Those blasted apes are off to take over our planet this weekend, and it looks like audiences won't mind a bit. As monkeys lunge for number one, the question remains as to how much this new Planes of The Apes film can make, even with Gary Oldman and trigger happy primates on its side.

Box Office Analysis: Can The Summer Be Saved?? (Spoiler Alert: Yes!)

Last summer, a cavalcade of pessimistic reports came flooding in about how the movies were dead, people hated film, the box office was a thing of the past, simply because movies like The Lone Ranger and RIPD flopped. Ironically, several of those critics are now waxing nostalgic about last years box office, wishing this years lower grossing movies could take a page from big hits released last summer. Ah, the irony!!

Tammy Review

This movie made more money in a single day than
The Immigrant has made in a month-and-a-half. We have failed
people. We have become monsters.

Let's get this out of the way; Tammy isn't a good movie. In fact, I'll even be bold and say it's a bad one. It's not abysmally, soul-crushingly awful like God's Not Dead or Transformers: Jesus Christ, That Movie Refused To End, but yes, Tammy is bad. And it's poor quality is only emphasized by the ambition that project contains. Ya see, the movie is really more of a drama than anything else, with numerous moments that are supposed to be devastating in terms of emotional impact. And considering Melissa McCarthy was one of three writers on the project, I gotta give her props for attempting to expand the range of movies she appears in.

Box Office Predictions: Transformers Will Reign Over McCarthy, Aliens and Demons

In Box Office Predictions, I take a look at the forthcoming weekend and see how new releases and holdovers will fare.

We've got quite a meager bunch of movies for this particular 4th of July weekend. But even meager offerings deserve some predictions (even if I'm cheating a bit this time around since all the new releases have been out for a day already), so let's get to it!

Franchise Frenzy: Transformers

SOOOOOOO AWESOME!!!!

Robots in disguise, waging their war against the evil forces of the Deceptions....ah, what a theme song! For many 80's kids, along with this Transformers nut, that tune is one that brings up memories of a fun show with likable characters and....Dinobots!!!  I got into it older than most (13, when it was finally released on DVD in preparation of Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen), but while I feel things post-Season One can be iffy, the show at its best puts these movies to shame. They embraced material with absurdity where the films attempted to convert it into overly serious gibbly-gock. Where the shows laughs derived from cheesiness and character interactions (Megatron and Starscream were always a hoot!), these found "laughs" in racism.

Even if now far superior cartoon existed, the Transformers franchise would be a never ending series of disappointments.....except for that first film.

From The Interwebs: Film Critic Hulk Takes A Look At Michael Bay

The glasses really make this picture for me, as well his hands

I don't wanna use the phrase "Great minds think alike" here, since I don't wanna imply that my mind is in even the same realm of greatness as the masterful film lover Film Critic Hulk. So lemme just say that Film Critic Hulk (whose Twitter feed is as glorious as the critic himself) also took a look at the filmmaker Michael Bay, and wow, is it great. Check it out immediately.

If you haven't yet, also take a gander at my essay on my long, emotional turmoil-filled experiences with Michael Bay, as well as my Box Office Analysis on why the Transformers franchise has lasted so long. And of course, I have a massive review of Transformers: Age of Extinction for your pleasure. And finally, come back tomorrow for when Franchise Frenzy returns (my bi-weekly column looking at various notable film franchises) to conclude all this Transformers coverage by looking at all four movies and answering the immortal question, where'd it all go wrong for the robots in disguise when it comes to 21st Century filmmaking?

Editorial: You Got A Bay....Or Nah?

So, Michael Bay did it again. Another big hit for the filmmaker, another movie torn to shreds by critics. One of those critics happen to be yours truly, who would easily consider Transformers: Age of Extinction one of the worst movies, not just of the year (it's by far the worst, juuuuuust edging out God's Not Dead) but of all-time. It's an incoherent mess that can't even use robotic dinosaurs in a fun manner, let alone give us a screenplay that works on any level.

Box Office Analysis: Can Some Franchises Go On Forever?

The Dinosaurs are barely in the movie. There. Just saved you from
seeing this garbage.

I've got a lot to talk about when it comes to Transformers this week; I've got a Franchise Frenzy entry on all four movies, and I've got an Editorial brewing for tomorrow about the movies defenders. But for now, let's talk about the biggest opener of 2014 (I know, I know, I'm terrified too), and look at if some franchises really can go on for eternity.

Transformers: Age of Extinction Review

You Know, We Have A Saying On My Planet As Well....I Don't Care

WARNING: THIS REVIEW IS CHOCK FULL OF SPOILERS. I NORMALLY DON'T DO THAT WITH MY REVIEWS, BUT GOOD GOD I NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS MOVIE AS OPENLY AS POSSIBLE

There are movies that are just powerful in ways we can't explain. The very nature of film criticism is to boil down the beauty of movies to the format of words, but sometimes, the images put on the silver screen just cannot be given justice through the medium of writing. That being said, I shall try my hardest to convey how much of a painful endurance test Transformers: Age of Extinction truly is.

Box Office Predictions: Transformers 4 Will Be Massive...But How Massive?

In Box Office Predictions, I take a look at the forthcoming weekend and see how new releases and holdovers will fare.

Unless the Frankie Valli fanboys come out in droves this weekend, the Autobots will wage their war against the Decepticons to humongous numbers. The primary question of course is how big this movie can possibly be.

Box Office Analysis: Let's Predict The Rest of The Summer!! (PART ONE)

Eight weeks into the summer, we've seen hits (Godzilla, X-Men: Days of Future Past, The Fault In Our Stars) and duds (Blended, A Million Ways to Die In The West). Utilizing the performances so far, I've decided to take a gander at the upcoming features coming out between now and Labor Day and predict their opening weekend and final grosses, and sprinkle some analysis in there too. Not every movie is covered (I'm sure some sleeper hit that'll eventually make big bucks isn't on here), but regardless, here's my predictions for the tidal wave of notable releases left this summer, split into two parts. I'll be bold and daring and put up a Box Office Analysis article on a Tuesday, in order to cover all the releases coming out in August.

Box Office Analysis: What May Movies Tells Us About The Rest Of The Summer

Well, May 2014 sure was huge. With 4 movies hitting $60+ million openings, it was the 5th biggest May on record and a rollicking start to the summer movie going season. Going forward, it must be said that there are certainly more larger tentpoles in the back half of the summer than last year, with Transformers: Age of Extinction, Dawn of The Planet Of The Apes and Guardians of The Galaxy still likely to rake in big bucks for studios.

Still, the large amount of those gives me pause, simply because many of the May movies didn't seem to have a lot of stamina, despite good word of mouth and reviews. This can be mainly attributed to the fact that a new summer blockbuster emerged each and every week; who has time to see Godzilla when X-Men just popped up?? It's a real shame, as it's rendered a film like Godzilla (my favorite movie of the summer so far) into the Ang Lee's Hulk of the summer through its disastrous plummets from week to week (the mixed reception it's received from the fanboy community also adds to this perception).

June is a bit more level, but there's really only one guaranteed conventional blockbuster that month; Transformers: Age of Extinction. Then, two weeks later, a constant barrage of summer blockbusters arrive. For six weeks straight, one big movie after another opens up. This is gonna make it difficult for non-sequels like Jupiter Ascending who have to contend with proven franchises like the Ninja Turtles and Planet of The Apes. Even then, those sequels will have to make as much money as possible in their first week before new releases come and steal some of the spotlight (the good news for these six major releases is that they'll have summer weekdays where they can make some extra cash)

Frankly, the situation isn't terrible, especially since we've always had to contend with a jam packed schedule in the summertime. But with all these giant tentpoles fighting for space, I just wish studios could be more flexible with their scheduling, which would allow greater opportunities for all. Consider this; The Lego Movie, Captain America: The Winter Soldier and Gravity all opened outside of summer (February, April and October respectively) and are going to make more money than any movie released in May.