People Are Already At War With Themselves Before Any Weapons Are Fired In From Here To Eternity

Remember Michael Bay's Pearl Harbor? The internet, and also Team America: World Police, have turned that movie into such an endless punchline that it feels almost pointless to critique this motion picture once again, but for the purposes of this review, I feel it is imperative to do so. The feature film that Roger Ebert once accurately described as "...a two-hour movie squeezed into three hours, about how on Dec. 7, 1941, the Japanese staged a surprise attack on an American love triangle" (God bless Roger Ebert) failed to make a compelling drama all about small-scale human drama that transpired before, during and after the real-life attack on Pearl Harbor for too many reasons to count. There's no single solution to all of them, but if Michael Bay and company wanted a better blueprint for how to make a drama that incorporates Pearl Harbor into its plot, maybe they should have looked to 1953's From Here To Eternity for inspiration?

Wolf Warriors Comes Off Like The Chinese Equivalent To A Peter Berg Movie

Currently, the big Chinese box office juggernaut is Wolf Warriors 2, an action motion picture that just overtook Stephen Chow's The Mermaid to become the biggest movie of all-time in the country. It's nowhere near done with its massive box office run either and it looks like it'll likely crack $750 million at the Chinese box office, a massively impressive sum. You might be wondering if the box office performance of the first Wolf Warriors was big enough to serve as, with the power of retrospect, some kind of harbinger of the its successor huge success, but in fact, the first Wolf Warriors made a solid but not humongous $80.9 million that made it the 27th biggest movie of China.

Transformers: The Last Knight Somehow Takes The Transformers Franchise To New Tedium-Drenched Low Levels Of Quality

It shouldn't shock any human being to hear that a Transformers sequel is bad. After what I recollect to be a solid first movie in 2007 (I haven't watched that original Michael Bay feature in years so I can't attest to how it holds up), the sequels in this series have been a never ending series of assaults on the senses. The only good things that have come out of these sequels is the various essays on Revenge Of The Fallen Roger Ebert penned back in 2009 and this one inexplicably bizzare John Turturro moment from the third movie. Otherwise, it's been utterly irritating nonsense for four straight movies. While other American blockbusters lend real gravitas to obscure characters, contemplate weighty themes or deliver rousing spectacle, the Transformers sequels are content to devote entire scenes to the Romeo & Juliet Law.

13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers Of Benghazi Review

In the pantheon of Michael Bay movies, 13 Hours manages to land on the higher end of his filmography. It lacks the sprawling idiocy of Pearl Harbor and the incoherency of the Transformers sequels, and eschews the stupid sophomoric humor that tends to drag down his features. In the grand scheme of cinema, 13 Hours registers as nothing more than "inoffensive" and "OK", but, credit where credit is due, Bay has kept some of his more distracting directorial traits on the sideline for this motion picture in order to tell this real life story.

Michael Bay Is Doing Transformers 5....But He Can Quit Anytime He Wants, Don't Worry

Over the next 12 months, Paramount Pictures is releasing a number of movies from a veritable who's-who of well-known filmmakers. Features from the likes of Charlie Kaufman, James Gray, Denis Villeneuve, Robert Zemeckis, Richard Linklater and Martin Scorsese will all receive wide theatrical releases from one of the biggest movie studios on the planet. At the same time, this very same company is responsible for enabling Michael Bay to churn out wretched Transformers sequels, over and over and over again, to the point where I feel like Tom Cruise in Edge of Tomorrow, repeating the same goddamn events relentlessly.

The Rock Review (Classic Write-Up)

Rock N' Roll All Night

Watching The Rock is like stepping into some kind of super warped time machine, one that takes it's viewer into the wonderful world of 1996. Here is an age where Michael Bay was a promising director coming off the previous years hit Bad Boys, and was making easily his most audacious project yet; The Rock, an action feature that has Nicolas Cage and Sean Connery teaming up to take down Ed Harris, who has taken the entire facility of Alcatraz (it's also referred to as, cue dramatic music, THE ROCK) hostage. Oh, and did I mention the villain has numerous deadly bombs with him?

Wanna See Movie Directors Like Spielberg And Hitchcock Have A Rap Battle? Who Doesn't!! (From The Interwebs)

I've focused on the Epic Rap Battles Of History YouTube program before, but as a major cinema fan, I couldn't pass up the opportunity to highlight their most recent endeavor, which pits Steven Spielberg, Alfred Hitchcock and other famous movie directors against each other in a truly epic rap battle. Check it out below!

There is graphic language ahead, just so ya know.

Summer Movie Memories: No Monkeying Around For This Franchise

Up until Labor Day, I'll be looking at seven different summer movies from Summer 2014 and analyzing what really made them stand out this summer, for reasons both good and bad. Obviously, SPOILERS for Dawn of the Planet of The Apes, as well as Godzilla, lie ahead. 

Summer Movie Memories: The Fourth Transformers Movie Ambition Is Only Outmatched By Its Idiocy

My reaction to Trans4mers

Up until Labor Day, I'll be looking at seven different summer movies from Summer 2014 and analyzing what really made them stand out this summer, for reasons both good and bad. Obviously, SPOILERS for Transformers: Age of Extinction lie ahead. 

Another Michael Bay Produced Ninja Turtles Movie Is Coming in 2016, Hopefully This Time With A Vanilla Ice Cameo

Oh my Gods Splinter is just terrifying. Jesus, get that thing away from me!!

Well, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles certainly blasted away any and all expectations at the box office this past weekend. Making $65 million in its opening weekend, it's the 10th biggest opening of 2014 and the 4th biggest August opening of all-time. Naturally, a sequel is underway, with a release date and writers already attached to the project.

Box Office Analysis: The Only Thing More Eternal Than Death And Taxes? Hollywoods Love Of Horror Sequels

The Purge: Anarchy hit 2800 theaters this past weekend and was by far the highest grossing of the weekends three new releases. Sure, it didn't break any records, or even beat out it's predecessor, but it got better reviews from both critics and audiences and was only $5.7 million behind the first movie. Plus, Universal and Blumhouse Productions have already tripled their budget for the film (it cost $9 million). Obviously, this is a win for both studios and I expect The Purg3 to hit theaters next July.

From The Interwebs: Film Critic Hulk Takes A Look At Michael Bay

The glasses really make this picture for me, as well his hands

I don't wanna use the phrase "Great minds think alike" here, since I don't wanna imply that my mind is in even the same realm of greatness as the masterful film lover Film Critic Hulk. So lemme just say that Film Critic Hulk (whose Twitter feed is as glorious as the critic himself) also took a look at the filmmaker Michael Bay, and wow, is it great. Check it out immediately.

If you haven't yet, also take a gander at my essay on my long, emotional turmoil-filled experiences with Michael Bay, as well as my Box Office Analysis on why the Transformers franchise has lasted so long. And of course, I have a massive review of Transformers: Age of Extinction for your pleasure. And finally, come back tomorrow for when Franchise Frenzy returns (my bi-weekly column looking at various notable film franchises) to conclude all this Transformers coverage by looking at all four movies and answering the immortal question, where'd it all go wrong for the robots in disguise when it comes to 21st Century filmmaking?

Editorial: You Got A Bay....Or Nah?

So, Michael Bay did it again. Another big hit for the filmmaker, another movie torn to shreds by critics. One of those critics happen to be yours truly, who would easily consider Transformers: Age of Extinction one of the worst movies, not just of the year (it's by far the worst, juuuuuust edging out God's Not Dead) but of all-time. It's an incoherent mess that can't even use robotic dinosaurs in a fun manner, let alone give us a screenplay that works on any level.

Transformers: Age of Extinction Review

You Know, We Have A Saying On My Planet As Well....I Don't Care

WARNING: THIS REVIEW IS CHOCK FULL OF SPOILERS. I NORMALLY DON'T DO THAT WITH MY REVIEWS, BUT GOOD GOD I NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS MOVIE AS OPENLY AS POSSIBLE

There are movies that are just powerful in ways we can't explain. The very nature of film criticism is to boil down the beauty of movies to the format of words, but sometimes, the images put on the silver screen just cannot be given justice through the medium of writing. That being said, I shall try my hardest to convey how much of a painful endurance test Transformers: Age of Extinction truly is.