Transformers: The Last Knight Somehow Takes The Transformers Franchise To New Tedium-Drenched Low Levels Of Quality

It shouldn't shock any human being to hear that a Transformers sequel is bad. After what I recollect to be a solid first movie in 2007 (I haven't watched that original Michael Bay feature in years so I can't attest to how it holds up), the sequels in this series have been a never ending series of assaults on the senses. The only good things that have come out of these sequels is the various essays on Revenge Of The Fallen Roger Ebert penned back in 2009 and this one inexplicably bizzare John Turturro moment from the third movie. Otherwise, it's been utterly irritating nonsense for four straight movies. While other American blockbusters lend real gravitas to obscure characters, contemplate weighty themes or deliver rousing spectacle, the Transformers sequels are content to devote entire scenes to the Romeo & Juliet Law.

Next Transformers Movie Has A Title That Cruelly Implies The Conclusion Of This Never-Ending Franchise/Nightmare

We'll make 'em all
Everything
For Money

We Don't Need
Storytelling
Or characterization

If I direct here
If I just shoot these
Will Paramount provide funding for Pain & Gain 2?

I don't quite know
How to direct
Marky Mark

Those four films
Made too much
We can't give it up

So take a look here
There's a title right here
Would you audiences give me money for The Last Knight?

Forget what we're told
The critics are just old
Show me a bag of cash, that gives me life

This franchise is a waste of time
Shoving racism
Into a movie about kids toys.

I need supermodels
To remind me
To also utilize misogny

If I direct here
If I do one more of these
Maybe they'll let me go do Armageddon Two...

Forgot what the critics told
Their rightful qualms are so old
Show me money and I'll do anything you like

I don't know where
Confused about the story as well
Just know that hte quality of these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I make Transofrmers 5...
Would you just let me go and let me forget the world?

(Transformers: The Last Knight opens in theaters everywhere June 23, 2017)