Franchise Frenzy: Transformers

SOOOOOOO AWESOME!!!!

Robots in disguise, waging their war against the evil forces of the Deceptions....ah, what a theme song! For many 80's kids, along with this Transformers nut, that tune is one that brings up memories of a fun show with likable characters and....Dinobots!!!  I got into it older than most (13, when it was finally released on DVD in preparation of Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen), but while I feel things post-Season One can be iffy, the show at its best puts these movies to shame. They embraced material with absurdity where the films attempted to convert it into overly serious gibbly-gock. Where the shows laughs derived from cheesiness and character interactions (Megatron and Starscream were always a hoot!), these found "laughs" in racism.

Even if now far superior cartoon existed, the Transformers franchise would be a never ending series of disappointments.....except for that first film.


An 11 year old kid enters an auditorium to see his first PG-13 movie in a movie theater. The experience would be a memorable on its own, but here's the thing; I didn't know about Transformers at all prior to this film! I didn't know an Optimus Prime from a Predicon! Ah, but that would change the moment the lights went up, and I attempted to gather up the remnants of my mind. The movie had delivered all the robot action I could possibly imagine, all while bringing laughs and a classic tale of good vs. bad to the forefront. Even years later, the movie is even more powerful, not only because it's better than its terrible sequels, but also because it's simply good cinema.

Perhaps the reason for that is the sense of grandeur that holds over all the robots; for both the audience and the characters, this was the first ever we'd seen a robot this lifelike, this majestic, this beautiful in ages. Sam, instead of the whiny brat he'd become in sequels, actually has a purpose here, and, wow, he's likable!! Totally forgot that the character could do that! The whole "boy-and-his-car" thing was said on places like Box Office Mojo to be a big part of the films financial success, but it also helps the movie as a whole have some kind of emotional resonance; you never forget your first car, you have a special bond with it. The film personifies that universal relationship by making this kids first car not only his pal, but a person he can interact with. It's really well handled, especially a moment at the end where Bumblebee, despite losing part of his body, still helps Sam with the AllSpark cube.

Helping the film as well is the lack of big action sequences until the very end. The smaller budget in this film meant they had to pace themselves in depicting the robots, and boy howdy, does it work. A tense atmosphere as only one or two Deceptions (Frenzy and Barricade) begin their evil plans, with the arrival later in the film of more good robots not disappointing in the slightest. Optimus Prime, his rumbling voice courtesy of the amazing Peter Cullen, enchants and although Jazz is an eye-rolling harbinger of racism to come, Ratchet and Ironhide are nice personalities. That's another thing I love about this one; the less amount of robots means I can connect with them, which helps in the final battle (which is clumsily shot at several points) still be effective simply because I have some emotional stakes with the good robots here.

The first movie drew skepticism prior to its release, which I think really helped it become so great. Ya see, the first movie had so much riding on it, it could have tumbled under expectations. After all, a movie based on a toy? A tentpole release from DreamWorks? A Michael Bay film after The Island? Sounds like a recipe for disaster! And yet, it all turned out magnificently, mainly for a variety of reasons (budget constraints, no Ehrun Kruger writing) but I also think that Steven Spielberg had a much larger presence with this first movie than any sequels that would follow (which he would also produce) After all, this was his his studios (DreamWorks) first big movie with their new distributor, Paramount Pictures. He'd help make the movie good, or die trying! Spielberg, with his obsession with toys (in the excellent book The Men Who Would Be King, it's noted that Spielberg was one of the few behind-the-scenes who could actually name robots from the old cartoon) and expertise at filmmaking, was the perfect person to guide Michael Bay into this film. After all, he had helped produce and direct plenty of movies that could simultaneously work as family films and movies for any age group. Add in Michael Bays knowledge in making things go boom and Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzmans terrific screenplay, and the whole thing was ready to soar.

With Transformers a success, things took a surprising turn and a sequel was greenlight. Whereas the first movie was a perfect storm of good opportunities, this new one was a swarm of mishaps. First, the Writers Strikes that lasted from November 2008 to February 2009 hurt valuable time the film needed to work on its script. Then, Spielberg was consumed with helping find DreamWorks a new home, since things with Paramount had soured. He wasn't around much to help out the movie, though he did give his swear filled approval to Devastator. So things were in the hands of Michael Bay, whose ego had just been given the boost of making the biggest movie of his career.

Not so awesome.

So much bamboozling stuff happens here that I can't even comprehend, but suffice to say, dogs humping, genitals of robots and two characters that would have been insanely racist in 1945 are depicted here. None of the grandeur of the first film is found here; tons of new protagonists and antagonists are introduced here, but none make nay mark since they become nameless faces in the many, many agonizing battle sequences. The worst part though is Sam, who its obvious they can't find any real purpose for. They try to give him another "human story" here, this time dealing with him in college. The problem is that it doesn't directly tie into the Autobots, as the previous movies "first car" story perfectly did. Same thing happens with characters from the first film, like Sam's parents, Josh Duhamel and Tyrese Gibsons soldier characters or John Turturro as Seymour Simmons. While they fit the plot of the first movie perfectly, they don't have anything really to do here, so they just wind up adding more extraneous material to this colossal misfire.

The third one was supposed to fix the problems of the first one, but instead just repeated the second one...for the most part. More homophobia (the bathroom encounter between Ken Jeong and Shia LaBeouf already feels 30 years out of date) and pointless characters litter this one, and man, can any new robots in these sequels leave an impression at all? At least the finale is much better than the last one, not only because its filmed in a much more coherent manner, but also because it take on a much clearer battlefield vibe versus the last films Egypt-set finale that had more of a free-for-all feel to it. A mediocre entry (seriously, why is Optimus stopped by wires???) but at least it has some moments of fun in the final third.

The Fourth one I just reviewed. Suffice to say, it's the worst one yet, somehow beating out the tortuous second film.

Looking over all of these movies, I'm struck by some parallels to the way Michael Bays career has gone. Started out with such promise, but both have been consumed by lack of creativity and boldness. The glorious fun of the first film has been sequelized three times now to dismal results, and wow, does that sadden me as a Transformers nut. One day, far away, maybe we'll get another Transformers feature. But at this rate the franchise is going, I won't hold my breath.


Oh, and give this awesome Red Letter Media video a watch! So, so, so perfect.