Tuesday, August 4, 2015

This Trailer For Rob Schneiders New Animated Movie, Norm Of The North, Broke My Spirit As A Human Being

You may not have been aware of it, but Rob Schneider has made a nice niche for himself doing voiceover work for foreign animated features dubbed over into English by studios looking to churn out a quick buck by selling the flicks at Wal-Mart. His IMDB profile of the last few years consists of all sorts of animated gems like Dino Time 3D, Top Cat: The Movie, Outback and two films in the Wings franchise. Now, another one of these films is on the way, but this time....it's getting a theatrical release! The motion picture in question is Norm of The North, a feature which has languished for years and apparently will be released in movie theaters everywhere on January 15, 2016. Check out the trailer below for all the Schneider antics you can handle.

Lots of question race through my mind while watching this two-and-a-half minute long piece of footage. Is the filmmakers idea of cutting edge technology really a ringtone? Why do the hamsters (what the hell are those things doing in the arctic?) look like the deformed cousins of Rhino from Bolt? Why would any human bring a plastic flamingo with them to the arctic? Why is Bill Nighy doing this movie? Can humans understand what these animals are saying? How does the bear intend to stop people from visiting the arctic exactly? Is that location really that much of a tourist attraction? Why does the CGI animation look like something that would dance across the eyes of Chuck Jones in his most vicious nightmares?

My puzzlement with these inquiries and numerous other questions leave me wishing already that this went straight to video like Rob Scheniders other voice over efforts instead of going straight to theaters. This nauseating trailer looks so bad it makes me yearn for the quality storytelling found in Mr. Peabody & Sherman, Ice Age: Continental Drift or even Free Birds for Christs sake.

To wrap up this piece, below you can witness a gif of what I did to my compute once I finished watching this trailer.

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