Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales Is Soaked In Tedium And Terrible Writing

Just like Bernie in Weekend At Bernie's, the Pirates Of The Caribbean franchise is dead. The newest entry in this lame-brained saga, Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales, brings a franchise that's always struggled with sequels to lows lower than the ones seen in the already anemic Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides. Yes, the one that committed the foul crime of wasting Ian McShane as an evil pirate is no longer the worst entry in this series, that's how bad Dead Men Tell No Tales is. Nothing can dull the glorious high-quality of that original Pirates Of The Caribbean movie, but at this point, this newest Pirates movie is like Terminator: Genisys; a nonsensically told story that's just around to provide "REMEMBER THIS FROM PAST MOVIES???" moments in place of anything even remotely of substance.

Somewheeere....Beyond The Sea.....Is The Seafaring Movie Kon-Tiki!!

Directing duo Joachim Rønning and Espen Sandberg have been tasked with this weekend's new blockbuster Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales. At this point, the concept of lesser-known directors previously in charge of projects that ranged from small-scale to micro-budget projects endeavors being tasked with American blockbusters is far from a novel concept. What's interesting is that Rønning and Sandberg have actually done multiple movies (three in fact) prior to being tasked with something as massive as a Pirates Of The Caribbean movie, a sharp contrast to the likes of Collin Trevorrow or Jordan Vogt-Roberts who each did one movie before going off into blockbuster territory.

Terminator: Genisys Will Not Be...Followed Up By A Sequel (Plus: New Release Dates For Baywatch And Star Wars Episode 8)

Yesterday, Disney threw the summer 2017 schedule into a state of turmoil, as they shifted Star Wars: Episode VIII from May 26, 2017 to December 15, 2017. Considering how well The Force Awakens has done over the holiday season, it's no shocker that they've moved the film up to this release date. I do wonder if the two titles Disney has planned for November will be shifting; Thor: Ragnarok might be OK on November 3 (Spectre managed to do a surprisingly high 2.85 times its opening weekend in an early November timeframe, putting it seven weeks ahead of The Force Awakens, the same amount of time between Thor 3 and Star Wars 8) but considering how poorly The Good Dinosaur held up against The Force Awakens, I'd imagine PIXAR's Thanksgiving 2017 film Coco might be searching for a more hospitable timeframe to open.