Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales Is Soaked In Tedium And Terrible Writing

Just like Bernie in Weekend At Bernie's, the Pirates Of The Caribbean franchise is dead. The newest entry in this lame-brained saga, Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales, brings a franchise that's always struggled with sequels to lows lower than the ones seen in the already anemic Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides. Yes, the one that committed the foul crime of wasting Ian McShane as an evil pirate is no longer the worst entry in this series, that's how bad Dead Men Tell No Tales is. Nothing can dull the glorious high-quality of that original Pirates Of The Caribbean movie, but at this point, this newest Pirates movie is like Terminator: Genisys; a nonsensically told story that's just around to provide "REMEMBER THIS FROM PAST MOVIES???" moments in place of anything even remotely of substance.

Gods Of Egypt Review

I'm fairly confident that, in the future, Gods Of Egypt will be utilized as the prime representation of what happens when an overwhelming amount of CGI (and surprisingly shoddy computer generated effects at that) is used as a substitute for an actual story or compelling characters. The only caveat I bring to such a prediction is that Gods Of Egypt is so relentlessly dull that it might just vanish from the public consensus in a matter of weeks altogether. That would also be an appropriate fate for this motion picture, which (if you can't tell by my subtle clues in the past few sentences), I just didn't care for one bit.