The Last Full Measure Employs Half-Measures When It Comes To Storytelling

The Last Full Measure may become my go-to example of a movie that's focused on the wrong character. Much like Million Dollar Arm or The Red Sea Diving Resort, The Last Full Measure has compelling side characters who should be the lead characters of their stories. Instead, Measure, like Arm and Resort, shines a spotlight on a generic white dude protagonist. Such a character will only prove interesting to studio executives who spend nights fretting about focus group responses. In the process, Measure undercuts its own intended message of raising awareness for veterans that have been forgotten.

Premature Captures Teenage Angst Both Intimately and From a Distance

Seventeen-year-old poet Ayanna (Zora Howard) is preparing for a lot of big changes in her life. She's about to leave her small home in Harlem for college. The next phase of her life is about to begin. But before that monumental change occurs, it's time for one last summer vacation. Over the course of this summer, Ayanna begins to take up a romantic affair with an older man by the name of Isaiah (Joshua Boone). Ayanna becomes enamored with him, though Isaiah doesn't just bring joyful romance into Ayanna's world. He also brings a number of challenges into her life, including Ayanna grappling with feelings of jealousy as well as helping to stir up animosity between Ayanna and her mother.

Radioactive is an Overstuffed Movie About a Scientific Trailblazer

Well, I suppose it's high-time Marie Curie got the movie biopic treatment. After all, Andrew Jackson, Dick Cheney and Christopher Columbus have all gotten their own biopics, why shouldn't Curie? Written by Jack Thorne and directed Marjane Satrapi, Radioactive chronicles the life of Curie beginning with her days as a scientist struggling to get any respect from her male colleagues. Eventually, she partners up with eventual lover Pierre Curie (Sam Riley) and the duo begin to make great breakthroughs in fields related to radium and polonium. Further struggles in Marie Curie's life emerge from how she fails to garner any credit for her scientific innovations as well as her being demonized for carrying on an affair with a married man.

First Cow Is A Divine Bovine Shrine To The Importance of Kindness

Close your eyes and picture the traditional American frontiersman. Chances are, we've all got a similar vision of what such a person looks and acts like. First Cow begins with a group of these individuals. A collection of white men adorned in fur pelts with thick beards, gruff attitudes, and a proclivity for violence. They talk about women as just objects they can use for sex and then dispose of. Anything that strikes them as unconventional, they'll try to slaughter it. The cookie for this group is a man by the name of Cookie (John Magaro). He doesn't fit the traditional American frontiersman profile at all.

On The Record is a Fascinating Exploration of Voices So Often Silenced

CW: Discussions of sexual assault

In the wake of the creation of the Me Too movement, voices of sexual assault survivors have begun to get elevated in a way that just hasn't been the norm for American society. But that doesn't mean all sexual assault survivor voices have been given equal treatment. As explored in the documentary On the Record, Black women who have had sexual assault experiences face extra struggles trying to get their stories told or even in just feeling like their experiences are worth sharing. Even as awareness increases regarding how rampant sexual assault is, the world still turns away from struggles pertaining to Black women sexual assault survivors.

System Crasher Is a Harrowing and Impressive Piece of FIlmmaking

As System Crasher begins, everybody has kind of given up on nine-year-old Benni (Helena Zengel). She's been moved from foster home to foster home. Each time, something goes awry. No matter how much it seems like Benni has found the perfect home, her violent tendencies, as well as a desire to retrun to her birth mother, keep creeping up. Anger management trainer Michael Heller (Albrecht Schuch) believes he can help Benni. He takes her on a three-week trip into the woods where they'll live in a secluded cabin. Away from the world, Benni will have to find more constructive outlets for her rage. Or at least, that's the plan.

Zombi Child Uses Zombies to Explore Something Deeply Human

At the intersection of a fairy tale and a cautionary tale lies Bertrand Bonello’s Zombi Child. The newest film from the director of the 2017 feature Nocturama, Zombi Child concerns Melissa (Wislanda Louimat), who has just moved to a new school in France from her old life in Haiti. Melissa feels isolated in this environment, though she eventually finds a friend in Fanny (Louise Labeque). Her new pal is part of a very exclusive clique that eventually allows Melissa to become its newest member. Even with four new friends, Melissa still feels lonely, mostly because Fanny and her cohorts tend to (both intentionally and unintentionally) treat Melissa as an "other" in their lives.

Greyhound Lends A Human Touch To Wartime at Sea

Most war movies tend to star very distinctive protagonists. A mythic general. The soldiers who planted the flag at Iwo Jima. A soldier who refused to fight. Those kinds of people. Perhaps the most unique quality of Greyhound is that its lead character is intentionally framed as someone who isn't all that remarkable. Commander Ernest Krause (Tom Hanks) isn't really a notable person. His presence in this war isn't in and of itself a massive achievement. He's just a guy who has got a lady back home and would very much like to survive his time serving in World War II. Putting this guy front and center in a war movie see's Greyhound positing the idea that wars are not fought by legends, they're fought by everyday human beings.

Immortality Leads To Solid Action Filmmaking in The Old Guard

The Old Guard begins with death. The lifeless and bullet-hole ridden face of Andy (Charlize Theron) lying on the ground. Voice-over narration from Andy indicates that this isn't the first time she's been confronted with death. In fact, it's something she's so familiar with that she's become sick of it. Death would become a familiar face to you too if, like Andy, you were an immortal warrior. Andy and her companions Booker (Matthias Schoenaerts), Joe (Marwan Kenzari) and Nicky (Luca Marinelli) are all individuals with extraordinary healing powers that have lived for centuries. They've fought in all the great historical wars in an effort to make the world a better place.

Take Some Time To Chill With Palm Springs

It's always tough coming months late to films that make a big splash on the film festival circuit. Features debuting at Sundance, Cannes, or any other big festival can generate a lot of hype at their premieres. But when they finally get released to the public months later, some films can't live up to their now-mythic stature. What was a surprise success at Tribeca is now an underwhelming experience in general release. Luckily, Palm Springs, which debuted at the Sundance Film Festival to rave reviews six months ago, is not an example of that phenomenon. Put simply, Palm Springs is an utterly delightful comedy whether you're watching it at a film festival or on your living room couch!

Yep, Hamilton Still Rules

I mean, what else is there to say about Hamilton?

The Broadway musical sensation started playing for the general public in August 2015. However, it already feels like it's always been here. A once-forgotten founding father will not forever be associated with one of the most popular musicals of all-time. The various members of the original cast of Hamilton have all gone on to have thriving acting careers. Meanwhile, in my world of online writing, essays criticizing, praising, or doing mixed responses to Hamilton have managed to boost the careers of numerous writers. Hamilton is such a rich, how could it not spawn equally insightful pieces of writing?

Disclosure: Trans Lives on Screen is as Richly Human as it is Emotionally Affecting

While cis-gendered actors are frequently being praised and even nominated for Oscars for playing trans characters, actual trans performers tend to languish in terms of the kind of opportunities they receive. They can't even get the chance to portray the rare specifically trans characters in films, let alone ones that aren't just defined by being trans. That fact is one of many entertainment-industry double standards explored throughout the documentary Disclosure: Trans Lives on Screen. The premise for this one is simple as director Sam Feder interviews an assortment of trans celebrities and media figures on a variety of topics.

Welcome to Chechnya Harrowingly Depicts Endurance in the Face of Omnipresent Prejudice

In the last few years, a massive wave of violence against LGBTQIA+ people has emerged in Chechnya. It isn't just random citizens engaging in hate crimes either. Police are now arresting gay people and then torturing them for more information on where gays are hiding. The leader of Chechnya, Ramzan Kadyrov, doesn't just deny the existence of this behavior. As seen in an interview in Welcome to Chechnya, Kadyrov outright denies the very existence of gay people in Chechnya. It's an easy way for him to sweep this inhumane behavior under the rug. Violence against a marginalized people can't exist if the marginalized people do not exist in the first place.

My Spy Struggles With Comedy and Originality

It is May 2008. I'm watching a rerun of Kindergarten Cop. I have never seen this movie but it's already familiar. A muscular action star playing opposite a precocious kid in a children's movie. The formula is apparent.

It is November 2004. I'm eight years old. I'm in a movie theater waiting to watch Chicken Little. The trailer for The Pacifier plays.  A muscular action star playing opposite a precocious kid in a children's movie. It has happened again.

It is June 2020. I am twenty-four years old. I'm at home watching the new movie My Spy. Directed by Peter Segal, My Spy concerns CIA agent JJ (Dave Bautista), whose good at snapping necks but bad with people. When little girl Sophie (Chloe Chloeman) stumbles on his newest mission, Sophie coerces JJ to be her friend in order to earn her silence. In the process, JJ and Sophie begin to help solve each other's personal problems.

This movie has already run for ten minutes. Yet it already feels like it's run for an eternity. Screenwriters Jon Hoeber and Erich Hoeber have created an utterly formulaic script. Every beat in the story is predictable.

In thirty-five minutes time, JJ and Sophie will begin to bond at a school event.

In seventy-five minutes time, JJ's lies will catch up to him and he'll briefly have to leave Sophie's life.

It is December 2009. I am fourteen years old. The impending end of Middle School weighs heavily on my mind. At some point, I catch a portion of the trailer for The Spy Next Door. There it is again. A muscular action star playing opposite a precocious kid in a children's movie.

Two hours into my future, I struggle to write a review for My Spy. There's so little to say about a movie this disposable. The filmmaking is stale. Jokes are executed lifelessly. Only Kristen Schaal, as a C.I.A. accomplice to JJ, manages a handful of laughs. Otherwise, My Spy is totally forgettable. How can I write about this movie?

I am sixty minutes into My Spy. The villain of the movie, Victor Marquez (Greg Bryk), just stabbed someone to death. Why does a film aimed at children feature such gruesome deaths? It's understandable when darker kids movies like The Dark Crystal or Rango engage in violence. But usually My Spy has all the edge of a Dove hand soap commercial. The random bursts of violence are intrusive rather than an organic extension of the tone.

I am ninety minutes into My Spy. Kristen Schall just delivered her fourth witty line referencing some odd detail in the plot, in this case the fact that a runway was built next to a cliff. My Spy seems to believe that characters being aware of nonsensical details in the script will automatically create comedy. It doesn't. Lampshading is not an apt substitute for jokes.

It is March 2017. I am watching Bringing Up Baby for the first time. I am cracking up. Katharine Hepburn is a comedic master. This is one of my favorite comedies. My Spy is certainly not.

It is July 2, 2020. My Spy has finished. Clumsy pay-off's to JJ's inability to either ice-skate or dance close out the movie. It's an awkward finish. Dave Bautista is a good actor. He can be quite funny. But he's poorly directed here. His depiction of JJ struggling in social situations just makes the character come off as abrasive. Meanwhile, his handling of JJ's myriad of slapstick stunts isn't very funny. Bautista's performance lacks life, as does the rest of My Spy.

It is now five hours later on July 2, 2020. My fingers tap away at the keys on my laptop. I am writing the final words on my review for My Spy. What an awkward movie. Not funny enough for adults. Kids will probably be bored by it more than anything else. Talented people like Dave Bautista and Kristen Schall deserve better than starring in the newest Cop-and-a-Half knock-off.

I'd hope a forgettable movie like My Spy would put an end to bad family movies starring a muscular action star playing opposite a precocious kid.

But if Hollywood has taught me anything, it's that nothing ends. Nothing ever ends.

Rachel McAdams Shines But Will Ferrell Struggles In Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga

Each year, the Eurovision Song Contest (which is an actual thing) brings together musical talent from all of the European countries and has them compete to see who can deliver the greatest showstopper musical performance. It's an event that Icelandic natives Lars (Will Ferrell) and Sigrit (Rachel McAdams) have been preparing for their entire lives. They've always carried ambitions of taking their unconventional musical act to Eurovision. Such hopes have been frowned upon by their friends and neighbors, particularly Lars' father Erick (Pierce Brosnan). But when this duo gets a chance to actually perform during Eurovision, it seems like their dreams are finally going to come true.

Driveways Is as Peaceful As it Is Poignant

Shy youngster Cody (Lucas Jaye) and his mom, Kathy (Hong Chau), have come to clean house. Literally. Kathy's sister has just passed away and has left a home that's packed to the gills with assorted items. Kathy and Cody are gonna have to clean it all out before they can put the house on the market. While tackling this seemingly insurmountable task, Cody runs into next-door neighbor Del (Brian Dennehy). An elderly Korean War veteran, Del may keep to himself but he and Cody eventually strike up a friendship. It's a bond that provides both of them with plenty of amusement as they each navigate where they're going in their lives next.

Miss Juneteenth is an Easygoing and Impressive Directorial Debut For Channing Godfrey Peoples

Every parent wants their child to have the best. For Turquoise Jones (Nicole Beharie), that means making sure her daughter, Kai Jones (Alexis Chikaeze) wins the local Miss Juneteenth beauty pageant. After all, winners to this competition get a scholarship to any prestigious all-Black college in Texas. That's the kind of education Turquoise, whose struggling to pay her home's electricity bill, just can't afford. It's also the kind of education that Turquoise knows will give Kai the opportunity to lead a better life than her mother. Miss Juneteenth is the story of a mother wanting the best for her daughter and the ways that this pursuit impacts the dynamic between Turquoise and Kai.

7500 Fails To Take Flight

It was supposed to be an ordinary flight for pilot and 7500 protagonist Tobias Ellis (Joseph Gordon-Levitt). Just steer the aircraft from Berlin, Germany to Paris, France. Just another day for a guy whose life takes place in the sky. Unfortunately, shortly into the fight, something goes horribly wrong. A group of terrorists take the cabin of the plane and begin to bang on the cockpit door. They want in, but Ellis, obeying protocol, refuses to let them in. The terrorists insist they'll start killing hostages if their demands aren't met. Screenwriter Patrick Vollrath attempts to enhance the intensity of this scenario by filming almost the entirety of 7500 from the cockpit of the plane.

The King of Staten Island Isn't Quite Comedic Royalty

Despite what the title of The King of Staten Island would have you think, Scott Carlin (Pete Davidson) is far from royalty. He's a 24-year-old stoner still reeling so hard from the death of his firefighter papa who's going nowhere in life. Carlin's got a passion for tattoos, a constant detached attitude, and absolutely no plans to move out of his mom's (Marisa Tomei) house. Any changes in his life, like the departure of his High School graduate sister, Claire (Maude Apatow), or his mom getting a new boyfriend in the form of Ray Bishop (Bill Burr), tend to bring out the most frustrated side of Scott. What'll it take for him to grow up? Scott may never be a king of Staten Island but can he at least become something resembling an adult?

What Hath Artemis Fowl Wrought?

Why is Artemis Fowl getting released in 2020? At least there'd be some logic to its existence if it had debuted in the years between 2006 and 2010. That's when Harry Potter knock-off's like Eragon, The Seeker: The Dark is Rising and The Spiderwick Chronicles ran rampant. Artemis Fowl would have fit right in. But in 2020, even knock-off's of The Hunger Games have leveled off, Harry Potter knock-off's are practically extinct. Artemis Fowl now emerges in 2020 as a visitor from the distant past, from an era when The Black Eyed Peas topped the Billboard charts, and the Tiger Woods scandal was still fresh news. Whatever year it premiered in, though, Artemis Fowl, which is now streaming on Disney+, would still register as a totally bad movie.